How to Know What You Want
- Rucha Hardikar
- Nov 24
- 4 min read
Creating clarity through quiet, non-judgmental reflection
A while ago, I wrote about how getting clear on what we want is the first and most important step to setting focused goals. In that post, I spoke about a few ways that we can create clarity for ourselves, the first of which was creating quiet, judgment-free space for honest reflection. With the kind of lifestyles many of lead these days, having any free time at all to only sit and think seems like an impossible task. There are just too many things ready and waiting to sabotage our intent to self-reflect ... terrible commutes with crazy traffic, impossible deadlines and timelines for delivery at work, WhatsApp, email, Instagram, Facebook, texts, X, news feeds, an absolute deluge of decisions to be made about what to eat, what to watch, what to buy, what the kids should do next ... it is overwhelming and exhausting!
Unfortunately, we have become so accustomed to the constant information overload that it can feel like we don't even know how to be quiet. On top of that, the algorythmic powers-that-be keep us stuck in our own bubbles by giving us more of what we have alreadty consumed, making it harder to break unhelpful patterns.
So how then can we create a consistent practice of quiet, non-judgmental self-reflection?
Here are some ideas to try out:
Make a written commitment to set aside 5 minutes of daily quiet time for the next 7 days starting today: Whether you put up a sticky note on the corner of your laptop, write it in a notes app or on actual notepad, or set aside that time on your online calendar, writing it down gives your something concrete. For example, let's say you decide that you will take 5 minutes everyday right before you turn off the light and go to sleep. Your written commitment can be as simple as look like this - "I commit to setting aside 5 minutes of quiet, non-distracted time everyday for self-reflection right before I sleep. When I am engaging this quiet reflection, I will not allow myself to be distracted by my phone. To make this easier, I will keep my phone in a different room and on silent. If needed, I will request family members to give me this time without interruptions. I am excited about giving myself this gift of quiet, non-judgmental self-reflection". Make this message yours by switching the language and tone - the intent here is to simply write it down and make it real!
Try to honor your daily commitment to the best of your ability: We are not aiming for a perfect score but for streaks. The idea here is to build up to a level where your quiet reflection time has now become such an intrinsic, non-negotiable part of your day - like brushing your teeth or the morning cup of coffee. But in the beginning, focus on getting that 5 minutes of time whenever you can, wherever you can, as consistently as you can. And when life throws some spanners in the works, as it usually does, just hit re-set and start again on a new streak. For example, you may be able to meet your commitment to yourself for 7 days in a row from Wednesday to Tuesday. Then on the next Wednesday maybe your boss gives you a demanding project, your son or daughter or spouse falls sick, you fall sick, you go on vacation, or you're just plain tired - no problem! Take a few days off and then restart as if you never took time off. This in itself is great practice for being non-judgmental 😃.
Practice non-judgment by embracing nuance: Black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck in patterns and places that are unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. Being able to see shades of grey is a great way to start practicing non-judgment. Remember, though, that non-judgment will not be easy when this is something we have been doing our entire lives! Note that having judgment is different from being judgmental. We need to have judgment in order to make high-quality decisions. Being judgmental, however, has us attaching a "good/right" or "bad/wrong" label to a thing, a person, a thought, a belief or an experience. Calling something good/right or bad/wrong creates a division, which in turn can activate cognitive biases that block our clarity and creativity.
A man in a light blue shirt smiles, gazing out a window with his hands in his pockets. Use the nuance to practice detachment: Learning to view emotions as signals that are sending us information allows us to stay balanced rather than getting swayed by either positive or negative feelings. Detachment here means engaging with emotions mindfully, recognizing them as indicators of our internal state and external circumstances, enabling thoughtful responses instead of impulsive reactions. For example, receiving critical feedback at work may initially trigger anger or disappointment. Or a friend may have made a comment that was hurtful. Practicing detachment involves observing these emotions - anger, disappointment, hurt - without judgment, and asking questions to yourself about what the emtions are telling you. Reframing emotions as informative signals empowers constructive actions, like seeking clarification or setting goals for skill enhancement, transforming emotional experiences into growth catalysts.
Have patience with yourself and with the process: In personal growth, patience with oneself and the process is crucial. Meaningful transformation takes time and effort, with each small step reducing frustration. New paths, like learning skills or emotional healing, can be overwhelming, but setbacks are learning opportunities. Patience helps manage challenges without pressure for immediate success. Recognize your unique pace and avoid comparisons. Celebrate achievements, as everyone’s path is valid. Trust that efforts will yield results over time. Change is gradual; reflecting on past progress can be encouraging.
Incorporating daily quiet time into your routine can significantly enhance self-reflection and personal growth. By honoring your commitments and practicing non-judgment, you create a nurturing environment for transformation. Remember to be patient with yourself, recognizing that progress unfolds at your own pace. Embrace the journey, and celebrate each step towards greater clarity and creativity.
Would you like to work with a coach who can help you create self-awareness and context discernment so you can be a better leader? Write to us at info@peoplecompass.in or click here and we will get back to you!
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