What is coaching anyway?

As a certified and credentialed coach, I don’t often come across people who don’t know anything about coaching. The few encounters, though, with people who had no idea what I did, ended with them becoming more and more confused the more I explained. One such reaction most recently went, “So you’re a counsellor then?” The follow-up questions went “What do you actually do on a daily basis? I still don’t get it”. It’s possible that I did a very poor job of explaining myself, so I started to think about what would make sense to people who are not immersed in coaching or related fields and are therefore completely unfamiliar with the concept. How I could simplify what I was saying when someone asked me, “what do you do?” or, “What is a coach?”. And so, instead of thinking about what coaching is, I started thinking about what coaching is not ...

1.     Coaching is somewhat like but also quite different in some ways from therapy: Therapists, counsellors and clinical psychologists help people with understanding the past along with, of course, helping people address present issues. When we see a counsellor we are most likely to focus on issues which are holding us back significantly in our present lives . Therapists also have different training than coaches and are equipped to deal with severe emotional, relationship-related concerns as well as mental illness. A counsellor/psychologist will have appropriate educational qualifications – like an advanced degree in psychology for example – and a licence to practice in many cases. Although our goals may be the same, our modalities and target audience may not always overlap.

2.     Coaching is not mentoring: Mentors typically have advanced knowledge or expertise in the same sphere or zone that we are in, and are therefore in a great position to show us the way. We look to our mentors to teach us and mould us and give us cheat codes that they know to propel us forward on our paths. Dronacharya is a great example of a mentor from Indian mythology, as is Yoda from the Star Wars franchise. Both of them trained their pupils toward gaining expertise through teachings.

3.     Coaching is not consulting: Most consultants, similar to mentors, have expertise in a particular area, which they share for the benefit of their clients. Whether they are providing short term consulting or long-term advisory services, consultants can – and often do – create fully formed solutions for clients to implement. In my own consulting role, separate from my role as a coach, I draw on my expertise with using psychometric assessments for leadership development & behaviour change to help organizations design, deploy and decipher the impact of programs they want to run for their leaders. I advise, instruct and even do the work many times.

So what then does a coach actually do, if they don’t advise, solve problems or heal issues? Let’s look at what good coaching looks like –

1.     A good coach is an expert in something: They don’t have to be the expert in whatever you do or whatever your goal is or whatever experience it is you want to solve for. However, they should be an expert in some field and if they have the credentials to back it, even better. A good coach is also an expert in coaching! They have invested resources in getting some formal training and a whole lot of real world coaching experience.

2.     A good coach learns constantly: Only credentials are not enough. A good coach should have a breadth of knowledge and should ideally be learning all the time. They should be reasonably updated on what is happening in the world around them, and be good at parsing information from many different places into stories that enable coaching conversations to turn into a-ha moments for their clients.

3.     A good coach is a skilled listener: Being able to truly listen to other is hard! A good coach will have invested time, effort and resources into learning how to really listen beyond words that are being said or body language that is being displayed to create openness for conversations. Good listeners don’t just shut up and listen though. Therefore a good coach also knows when to speak. When to ask questions and when to tell the right story is an art that good coaches cultivate and nurture.  

4.     A good coach isn’t afraid of conflict: Coaches aren’t and shouldn’t be blind supporters of their clients. A good coach knows that their job is to push people beyond their comfort zones, to get them to think differently than they have so far, and doing this requires a great degree of comfort with being direct, honest and unafraid of saying things that might make clients uncomfortable. Modelling how to engage in healthy conflict is a pretty important skill for a good coach.

5.     A good coach has humility: Knowing that there are many things they don’t know is a sign of a good coach. Humility brings openness and this can lead to exploring paths that bring breakthroughs. A good coach asks questions more out of curiosity than as an interrogation. A good coach discusses ideas and tells stories more out of a desire to create shared understanding than to demonstrate their great knowledge and expertise. Without the right degree of humility, it is likely to be too easy for coaches to slip into mentor/advisor/consultant mode rather than stay in good coach zone.

6.     A good coach isn’t perfect: People aren’t perfect, coaches are people too, and so no coach is perfect. A good coach doesn’t automatically have a 100% sorted life. They don’t automatically reach 100% of their goals. Their relationships aren’t automatically 100% harmonious. A good coach, however, does show the awareness of what is working and not working for them. They experience the same ups and downs that everyone does, but they equip themselves with the tools to celebrate the ups and handle the downs with grace and strength. And this knowledge is what they bring to the table in their coaching relationships with clients.

Finally, let’s take a look at a what a good coach can do for you –

1.     Create clarity about present and future states with deep honesty.

2.     Create a safe space without judgment.

3.     Be an accountability partner who pushes and challenges.

4.     Shine the light on hidden paths to explore.

This is by no means an exhaustive list and represents my own experiences. I would love to hear your experiences either as a coach, a coaching client or someone who had never heard of coaching and learned something by reading this.